06/28/2019 – Rainelle

I woke today in a yurt 
with a bee in my bed.

Curious, I snatched him up assuming lint 
or thread 
or something soft and innocuous.
He moved and I placed him on the pillow next to my head.

I snatched the quintessential symbol of childhood terror 
between thumb and forefinger

Intimate and safe we shared my pillow in the hills of West Virginia
As I prepared to visit my father's grave
As I nursed my hangover
As I treasured my solitude and wished, more than anything, for a friend.
I call him Carl.

How long have I dusted around fear?  
(and what silhouettes are awaiting my courage)
How long have I left this pain untouched, 
afraid of its uncurling in my mind
afraid of the space it would take
of the Heather it would consume
of the Heather it would leave behind.

Today I am curious and picked Carl up to look more closely.
Today is, apparently, the day I examine fear.
Perhaps today is the day I give it, too, a name.

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